we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
