just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
