2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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