Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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