My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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