my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
