i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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