Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
