I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
