So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have post one night stand depression
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