So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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