My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize