shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
