I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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