Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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