Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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