you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
