I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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