I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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