He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
