If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
