I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
