he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
