Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
