im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who died my cat blue again?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
