she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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