I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
