does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
