the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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