does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
