do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
