Im at strip club and am horny
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize