considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
