i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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