she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
