Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
