You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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