6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
