put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
