Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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