Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
