the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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