Jerry, you need to find god
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
