I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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