You're my little dorito
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
