Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then my night got REAL pukey
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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