Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
