She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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