Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
