get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
