"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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