I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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