Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
