Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
