watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So. Much. Porn.
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