Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
