I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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