SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
