I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
