Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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