i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
