im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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