So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
