Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
