why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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