Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
