did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
