Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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