Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
