You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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