apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
