i would punch a child for taco bell
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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